Kaffir Boy Journal #2 On Violence/ Abuse

I can’t stand my father’s tribal laws and I can’t stand him. My father would force me to practice his rituals. If I refused to do what was to be done in practicing the rituals, I would be beaten. One time at dinner, I was beaten by father because I spoke during dinner. According to the tribal laws, you are not to speak when you are eating. You are to be completely quiet. My father started screaming at me fuming all kinds of nasty statements. As he was coming toward me I ran to my mother because I knew what was to come. My mother was told to bring me back to my father. As we reached the kitchen, I was pulled away from my mother and he lashed me. I couldn’t even finish my meal afterwards. I sobbed and went to bed. I was so angry I told my mother how I was going to do bad things to him when I grow up. I asked my mother questions like why he beat me because other children weren’t beaten by their fathers. According to my father’s tribes, he wants me to grow up like him. That made feel all defensive, because I never want to be like him. Even though I was being disciplined for going against a rule, being beaten made me hate my father. I then decided that I wasn’t going to do my father’s rituals when am not at home because I would be teased. One day my father heard me speaking like the rest of the kids and asked me questions like “who is the ruler of this house? Whose son are you? What language do I speak, which one I should speak?” and then asked me “then why do I hear you’re speaking other tongues; are you a prophet?” I was then threatened that if I wasn’t speaking Venda, my tongue would be cut off. I couldn’t even answer because right after he asked the question I was lashed again. As other punishments, I was to do more rituals and I really hated him more for that. Why was my father forcing me to be like him? Am nothing like him. I will never be like him! Anyway as long as my father was there, I had to do his stupid rituals. I started wondering why though we weren’t in the tribal reserves that he still wanted to practice the rituals. I had a break from the rituals when my father was arrested; I mean I didn’t like the fact that he was arrested but the fact that I wasn’t forced to do the stupid rituals.