Kaffir Boy Journal #10 On Racial Relations

I need to stop dreaming that I would soon go to America and school there. For crying out loud it has taken forever for the schools to reply, and I still haven’t gotten a scholarship from tennis. Anyway, my own race won’t give me a pass book. He enjoys acting like a white person. Hahaha well doesn’t he look like a fool trying to do that? Anyway even though I don’t want a passbook, I need it to get a job and help around the house. Since America is not responding to me fast enough, I might as well stop being selfish and get a job and help around the house by paying for my sisters school fees, food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have this person who I was going to work for but he preferred that I go to his father’s office at Barclays Bank and apply there. I don’t even need a work permit. This guy is white, and he told me that his place is nondiscrimination. Blacks could train to be a manger there and with my brains, I could have an advantage at getting it because of my knowledge. The best part is that I get over 500 rands a month and I won’t feel bad because even the whites get the same as I would if I worked there. If I were to work there, I would be surrounded by whites and blacks, TOGETHER. There is no such thing as whites in this area and blacks in another. We get to eat together, as a mixed race. This one building is like apartheid doesn’t exist at all. Even though I was just involved in attacking whites and their laws, I think wouldn’t mind staying there at all. I could pay for everyone’s school fees, by food that would last a month and still be able to have change. Working at Barclays bank maybe is better than going to America. Anyway the guy who was to offer the job for me gave me a letter that allowed me to get a pass. The guy, who gives you the permission to get a pass, didn’t really want to give me the pass. But in my head I laughed at him. I was sent to a post office to get the pass, and it was the worst degradation of my life. The blacks looked hopeless and desperate. The black policeman standing at the gate was very men to us cursing and gave sjambok stabs. I started a conversation with a guy who was in the line also. I don’t mind getting to know people I don’t know, even if you are white, black, yellow, and red, whatever. He told me how he’s been coming here for a very long time and has had no success each time. Now I’m scared. What if I don’t get my pass? Well maybe he didn’t get his pass cause he was a high school dropout. But still I don’t know. I hope everything goes well.